The Ballads Of Mister Rhodes

“One thoughtmurder a day Keeps the psychiatrist away.” - SAUL BELLOW - When was the last time it came together like this? I’d have to turn back, through soiled pages of vellum notepads until the vigorous crossings out of wasted paragraphs came to an end. There would be something somewhere, I’m sure of it -hopeful of it- but my old friend the daiquiri won’t allow it. “Push forwards,” he says to the rhythm of a sturdy Viennese march. In Vietnam I can buy the ingredients to make two litres of the stuff for about $7. We were going to drink them together, but she got annoyed with me about something -probably somethings- and went to sleep upstairs. She likes how I drive the motorbike as much as I like having her sitting behind me telling me how much she likes how I drive the motorbike. Most of the time we just play fight it back in to neutral, but sometimes she just goes to sleep upstairs. I cooked a dinner of fried grouper steaks, sweet potato hash browns and a basic ...

"Consumed by the agony of remembrance. The remembrance of night's festive company. The one remaining candle flickers and dies." Mirza Asadullah Khan Ghalib I feel as if now is the right time to discuss my concept of agony to you -if I can be so foolish as to use the word ‘right’ at such a time. I do not write any of this with a sense of self pity, although perhaps it is a way in which a man like me gives a cry for help; I feel as if life has proffered me sufficient qualifications on the matter. I feel as if... In the late garbled nights of substance abuse and sleeplessness I find myself ruminating on the dangers of bestowing the power to bring joy upon another person, for in that power resides its opposite. Those that look to someone for happiness will find a darkness in their absence. In the bleary eyed afternoons I wonder where the grief goes. I can only assume that the brain and body stores it out of the way for the time being and then at some...