What we contain, and what we do not.

I have to tackle this chronologically. It’s too easy for us to get lost in the notion that there is anything more than time that connects us, ultimately. So, to begin, I stretched out over the concrete block and stared up at the sky. That place, where, at times, I can neither see nor hear anything of the human world. The waves, birdsong, my dogs playing. That is the soundtrack. In that absence of the human world, there is a stillness that I often do not know what to do with. It brings on nausea and a little lightheadedness. I count my breaths and try not to get wrapped up in the idea that there is something to release, although I am sure there is. In a clear blue sky, I can see so many markings on the lenses of my eyes. I wonder for a moment if these will eventually lead to blindness. I also find a little peace in the fact that, at almost forty, I am beginning a physical decline, and that is something that I must find peace with.

Whilst the dogs are playing my mind reminds me that the things I love can easily be taken away from me. I find myself weeping as some birds fly overhead. I call the dogs over and from what I can tell everyone is happy to be where they are, doing what they are doing, which is what we have. My mind is still again.

I have tainted so many pages with negativity. I have shaded so much of my life with it. I have excused myself as being concerned with the overall well-being of humanity. I am quick to snap back at those who I consider to be pushing against it. I see most things as justifiable symptoms of human psychological suffering, but I see very little in the way of justifiable remedy. I do not offer pardon often. I don't believe we are trying as much as we would tell each other. I think that for most people "I am doing the best with what I've got" is a lie. I may be right, but I need a new chapter.

I am lying on my back staring up at the sky. I have three dogs around me. They are happy. I have a beautiful wife. I am not suffering from any great ailments. I am no longer a stranger to how my past has shaped who I am. I am sturdy alone. I am sturdy in company. There is a lot to be grateful for. But more importantly, I am in a privileged position. I am conscious. It is all well and good to study the problems of the world, but it is of no use if you do not actively take part in a solution. And this is where I must head next. 

Human psychological suffering is paramount to life. Avoiding it does us no good. Attempting to alleviate it with distraction is also futile. What the individual needs is a safe route through it. Suffering and discomfort need to be understood as valuable teachers. They can not be allowed to turn us bitter. Some of us act like badly beaten dogs, chained to ourselves, snapping at anything that comes close. I catch myself doing just that. My wife reminds me. And although it feels difficult as I pull on my chain, without her, I would not see it.  

I can only do my best, and I hope you will do too. For those who have suffered, and made some sense of suffering, find someone who needs holding on to. Let them tread the path, keep them on the path. Do not drag them from it. Do not distract them. Offer them words of caution as they contemplate the solutions. Because the solution when you are in the middle of suffering is to escape. The solution that leads to the end of suffering is, ironically, at the end of suffering. You must go through, completely. Only then do you have the necessary information as to what must happen next. 

I haven't marinated with this for too long. It is fresh. There is no clear instruction. There is, however, a sense of all-encompassing love. All manifestations of pain are justifiable symptoms of human suffering but they are not always solutions. It has been written so many times, that it feels easy to ignore. To laugh at. We feel above such cliches, but it seems that we are far from it. Love is the only option that can save us. But that takes a lot more than outward acts of care and affection. One has to truly understand the parts of them that are motivated by fear, and by love. Not a simple task, because in many cases, hate will be justified and comfortable. Love will terrify and challenge.

There needs to be no concern for how much we do. Not in quantifiable terms. Some have far more reach and ability than others. What matters is that we reach the end of this journey knowing that we loved as much as possible. But before we begin we must grow to understand what we are truly capable of. To do that, there is a lot of discomfort to face. You are much greater than you believe yourself to be, but perhaps, some of those justifiable symptoms of human suffering have you operating far below your worth. You are perhaps distracted. You are most likely afraid. And until that is dealt with you cannot love. Not truly. Not like you need to. 

It's time to sit with yourself. And for those who find discomfort doing so, I am right here. Always.