Wot Grimes Gone Dun

“The problem with computers

Is that there is not enough

Africa in them.”

- Brian Eno

 

I don’t have long. I’m running a bath. It’s the first time in about three months I’ve had hot water, and I’m sick. Nothing to concern yourselves with, just my body over-reacting to a shift in the weather. I also said that I’d be away for some time, but we need to talk. 

Now, I imagine most of you will have absolutely no idea what I’m about to waffle on about, and less of you will care, but bear with me, the anecdote fares well here. Grimes is a well-known celebrity. I’m sure she’d implore that I use terms such as ‘musician’ or ‘sonic engineer,’ but quite frankly she can get fucked. Grimes is a well-known celebrity amidst a world of well-known celebrities playing musician. Well, Grimes decided she was going to be a DJ. It’s a common thing for people who like music to decide. I, myself, did it back in my 20s. 

See, there I am right there all the way back in 2007, being a DJ. It’s cool to be a DJ, just ask a DJ. So Grimes is a DJ too. Loads of people are DJs. But what did Grimes go and do? Well, Grimes went and performed at a rather popular music festival called ‘Coachella’ earlier this year. The line-up was shit, as most line-ups are. Various golden stars of the music industry such as ‘Ice Spice’ and ‘Lil Uzi Vert.’ Basically the musical equivalent of cancer. Well, Grimes went to perform a DJ set. I don’t know what they call what she was playing. In the grand scheme of things, hopefully it’s not too offensive if I say something like ‘it’s all very similar sounding these days.’ Anyhow, technology has moved on quite some distance since the 1’s & 2’s. Most DJing is done predominantly digitally these days, the ‘turntables’ are essentially midi controllers for a playlist on a laptop. Within all these fancy buttons and lights there is button that reads ‘synch.’

Now, this is where I get unstuck. See, the synch button uses the DJ software to instantaneously match the tempo of one song with another. Now, please correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m not wrong… There are two types of DJ… A mixing DJ and a scratch DJ. The scratch DJ has stayed loyal to the traditional turntable as it is better suited for manual sound manipulation. Whereas the mixing DJ has moved into the loving arms of technology. So, anyhow, the main task of a mixing DJ is to match the tempos of two songs and find adequate moments when they can be played together, thus keeping a rhythm and using the different parts of each song to play off each other and keep the ‘mix’ exciting. Now, most of these mixing DJs will stay loyal to one genre of music. These genres within the umbrella category of ‘dance music’ have certain aspects that allow them to be identified as one or the other. One of which is tempo. Drum and Bass, Techno, Gabber, whatever, they all have their own tempo range, and are generally quite formulaic. Build up, drop, build up, drop. That kind of thing. 

So, anyway, Grimes goes to kick off her DJ set. And the software responsible for that synch button ‘ain’t working correctly. It’s reading the BPM at half its actual value, so when she goes to synch it’s playing the track at 200% its original speed. Something like that. A technological error. She is not to blame. But what she is to blame for is calling herself a DJ and using the ‘synch’ button. The one reason she is stood there behind those little ‘fraud-makers’ is her apparent ability to mix two songs as mentioned earlier. The ‘synch’ button, by its very definition, does this for her. 

If you’re not following, it’s okay. I’m going to bring this right back to reality in one of those ways that leaves a mark. Quite frankly, if you’re not a scratch DJ and you’re using a synch button to mix music, then you’re not a DJ. You’re a portable disco. Grimes is a portable disco. Now, I hear the confused cries, even if I make them up myself… “But Mister Rhodes, why are you so between your clenched teeth about this?”

I’ll tell you. Well, actually, I’ll go take the bath I’ve been looking forward to, and then I’ll tell you.

The arts are wonderful things. Music and writing especially. Granted I am biased. They allow people to express themselves and tap into rhythms that excite the primordial parts of man. They can explain the world in ways that make pain beautiful. The artist, no matter what form they take, has a unique way of seeing the world and has (up until recently) learnt a craft that allows them to mould that vision into art. It’s all rather beautiful. Years and years of perfecting a craft so that one can express themself adequately, if not flawlessly. 

I hate to bring this up, it’s all very blah. But the rise of technology and social media created a sense of entitlement. It allowed people to be things they otherwise would not be. Can’t sing, doesn’t matter. Can’t beat match, don’t worry, we’ve got you. It allowed people to express themselves without having a craft. It allowed people with very little to express believe that they should express themselves anyway. Technology took the place of poetry. I was asked by someone recently to read a few chapters of a book they’d written. Although they hadn’t actually written anything. AI had written their book. So was this person a writer? No. Had this person completed the gruelling task of writing an entire novel? Absolutely not. I refused. This person has no right trying to hand out a list of words a computer put together for them as a window into their own soul. It’s just a window into their own lack of one. But also an admission of their longing for one.  

So, what has Grimes gone and done. I hope that Grimes has highlighted that the creative industries are currently rife with frauds. Producers, singers, writers, the lot. The one thing that Grimes hasn’t seemed to have done is make anyone care. Personally, I’d be keeping a close eye on those DJs and as soon as you see them hit that synch button, you walk out. But, I feel we’re too far gone. We don’t care that there is no soul in any of it anymore, because we don’t have souls anymore. We seem to have to defend the talentless because if we point at it and laugh then we quash the dreams of so many, including ourselves. But not everyone gets to have their dreams, not without hard work. Everyone seems entitled to be special all of a sudden. All I really want to say, and could have said so much quicker if it wasn’t for that fuckface Grimes is…If you love how an artist can express themselves. If you love how a specific writer manages to weave words together, then it is up to you now… I say stand against the AI/digital era. If there is no poetry in art, then it is not art, it is just sludge wearing a bit of makeup, probably with a boob-job and some dermal fillers.  

You are entirely correct, I do not like the direction the world is moving. We are making dregs of ourselves, and we are prouder than ever. So, I leave you with the words of Leonard Cohen:

"Like a bird on the wire, like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free.”
—Bird on the Wire (1979)